AFRICA Calling

It has been more than 2.5 years since my last post here... I had thought to put away this blog, permanently, after writing about Jordan's death, but here I am again.  I'm a tad rusty at this blogging thing, but it seems somehow fitting that I am writing about my upcoming trip to Africa.  Jordan had a heart for missions; Indeed, he was the consummate missionary.  It didn't matter if he was here, in Baton Rouge, or half-way around the world, Jordan had a heart for others.


Our team leaves for Swaziland tomorrow.
Honestly, I've never gone so far from home... I've been to Hawaii (2x) with the Air Force. I've been to the Bahamas with my dear friend, and Tech School Roomie, Stacy.  And I've gone to the Caribbean with my family and in-laws... before I discovered that boats and I don't get along (I get Mal de Debarquement Syndrome).  I've been to some interesting places and done some interesting things.
But this is AFRICA:  Another continent, another world.

I vacillate between extreme anticipation/excitement and sobering anxiety.  I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now because I don't really know what to expect.  I have spent the past week fasting and praying, and making list after list, but still the questions persist: How will all of this play out?  Am I adequately prepared?  Have I packed the necessary items?  There's no way to know until I arrive and then it will be a moot point, anyway.  I guess it even takes faith to pack for a missions trip!

Don't get me wrong, I want to go.  But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared.  Jordan talked about how his first missions trip radically changed his life, and I believe it will change me, too.  How can it not?  How could anyone travel so far, to do the work we are doing, and come back unchanged?
One thing is certain: my world is about to get a whole lot bigger.

It is with all of these thoughts swarming my conscience that I sit here trying to compose a moderately coherent blog post.  I don't know if I'm succeeding, but I felt it was important to try.  I'm going to attempt to post here while we are in Africa; I don't know how much I'll be able to write as I am unsure of our internet access where we're going.  I know our free time will be very limited, as well.  If I don't post again over the next week you'll definitely hear from me when I return!

I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to everyone who gave towards my trip, who prayed for me and our team, who will continue praying for us over the next 8 days... You may not be going to Africa, physically, but you are as much a  part of this trip as I am.  Don't believe for one minute that your prayers and contributions are of little value; God used you to validate my decision to go.  He used you to multiply not only my faith, but the faith of others who beheld the miraculous way this trip came together.  He is still using you... your prayers will carry us across oceans and continents and back again.  So, thank you.  Your kindness, generosity, and prayers mean more to me than I could ever express through words.  I pray that God blesses each and every one of you and multiplies your gifts back to you, a thousand-fold!

To my husband and children: I love you so much...  Thank you for believing in me and standing with me in this journey.  I will miss you, but I know I will return better than I left.  ;)

Now, to find that mosquito repellant...
Summer

A Life Worth Remembering

It's been a hard month.
In the past 30 days, 7 people in my world -- some close to me, some who were related to those close to me -- have died.
On Wednesday, I will attend my 3rd funeral in almost as many weeks... this time for a young man, just 22 years old, Jordan Gautreau.
I am just about cried out.
I wasn't super-close with Jordan, but we were in School of Ministry together a few years ago and he was a guy I really respected and admired. He used to tease me and call me "Mrs. Summer" to which I would threaten to punch him.
I nearly fell out of my chair when I realized he was born the year I graduated high school. He was an intelligent, thoughtful, and kind young man who had a servant's heart, and like the others who have passed in recent weeks, his death came as a total shock.

I can't help but feel there is a message in all of this. Without resorting to cliches or vapid prosaicism, I have to acknowledge that there are no guarantees in this world. We are not promised one day more or less than has been allotted for us and to know that number is humanly impossible. We have to live each day never knowing if we will see tomorrow. Only God sees the bigger picture.

We can think we have it all together, our life a neat and tidy box, perfectly aligned with best laid plans and the objectives we have set for ourselves, but at the end of our allotted time, will it even matter? I'm not opposed to dreams or ambitions, but in the big scheme of things, how will whatever we are doing affect the world around us?

The real question is, Are we living for ourselves or for something bigger than ourselves?
Will our legacy merely affect our grandchildren or thousands of souls we may never even chance to meet?
When we die, will people remember who we were or what we did?
Will those memories be buried with us or will they live on in the rippled effects of our life's work?

Three men from my church have died in the past month.
Each of them has left an enduring legacy... sacrificial lives submitted to God's greater purpose. I want to know -- when my time is up -- that I have done the same.

There's certainly no harm in living a productive, successful life, utilizing the talents you are given. But if your ambitions are all for self, what does it really matter? If your sole purpose on this planet is to seek "happiness" and "fulfillment," they will always elude you. REAL happiness and fulfillment are found only when you are living for something greater than yourself.
Dave Ohlerking, John DeLage, and Jordan Gautreau.
These three men lived lives worth remembering and as examples for us all.

When I was a kid, I thought giving my life over to God meant I would have to be a missionary in some remote corner of the world. Far longer than I care to admit, I was afraid to offer my life -- all my plans and dreams -- to God to use. I'm so glad I finally know better. Now I pray that God will use my life until the very last breath I take.
Fear of the unknown should never keep us from seeking God's greater purpose for our lives. As Brother Dave Ohlerking always said, "There's no safer place to be than in the will of God."
I believe that.
And I want my life to reflect that belief.

“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” -- C. S. Lewis

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Blogging Vs. Writing

So, my friend, Carole -- who is also a writer -- twittered something yesterday that I absolutely agree with...
She was talking to a friend of ours (Donna Frank) who has written several books.
She mentioned to Donna that she had not written on her book lately, but that she had been doing a lot of blogging.
Donna responded with:
"Well, yeah, blogging is instant gratification. Sitting down and writing your book isn't; it's work and very delayed gratification."
What a profound truth!
In the past, when I was blogging more faithfully, I really struggled to make time for my book. There was this constant (albeit, imagined) pressure to post here, regularly and often.
When I recommitted to finishing the task God has given me (now, TWO books!), I found it harder and harder to come here and blog.
I couldn't figure it out at first, but there was an uneasy suspicion that I was somehow "cheating" on my book by blogging.
Now, that might sound weird if you are not a writer, but it's true!

Time issues aside, I found that I became more and more possessive of my analogies, stories, and musings. If something was really good, it would go in the book. How could I put it here?
There's always a fear that something you write will be stolen or misused and there's a deeper fear that you will "waste" all your good stuff on the blog.
So, what happened was I would go weeks without posting or I found myself alternately writing either really preachy stuff or "fluffy" stuff (which I loathe, by the way) here on my blog. I wasn't just selling myself short; I was selling you -- the reader -- short.

Carole has blogged about this struggle as well.

Yeah, I know; I'm totally neurotic to be obsessing about this, but to hear another writer (published author, no less!) surmise it so well was somehow comforting to me.
So, I can either focus my time on the calling God has placed on my life (my writing/my books) or I can worry about what other people think about my blogging.
Truthfully, I think it's a no-brainer. ;)