21 February 2008

Wake Me When It's Over...

No, I'm not talking about the election... well, not entirely.

I think I have alluded to my various health issues in previous posts... the struggles with my weight and ALL the issues that entails.
I have type II diabetes, severe hypo-thyroidism, & Empty Sella Syndrome (the last of which is probably a large contributor to the other two).

It's so frustrating living in this body that I no longer fully understand. I wasn't always overweight; In high school, I actually did some modeling and pageant work. And I have always been a fitness nut -- exercising in my room with home-made weights as early as age 15. By the time I got married, I could easily do 200 sit-ups/crunches without breaking a sweat (well, not much of one anyway.)

But in recent years, my body has betrayed me... Despite years of focus on healthy eating and somewhat regular exercise, I continue to struggle. I probably know more about nutrition and exercise than 95% of my friends, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. Oh, I see the condescending looks of those who think I simply need to "eat less & move more," and it makes me so mad.
I'm not huge by any means, but I am not happy with the way I look OR the way I feel.

Today, I had my check-up with my metabolic specialist/endocrinologist; the results were not good. Despite treatment, my thyroid levels have dropped even more & my hormones & blood sugar are all over the place. He is putting me on 2 more medications.
I am NOT a person who likes to take medicine and for years I refused it when I probably needed it because I did not want to become "one of those people" who are always popping pills.
But, dang; what are you supposed to do when your body is a traitor???

Like Paul, I have prayed -- many times -- for this thorn in the flesh to be removed from me, but for whatever reason, that has not happened. I have dieted & exercised and checked my blood sugar religiously. I drink tons of water and I take a multi-vitamin every day. I have done various cleansing fasts and I incorporate homeopathic remedies whenever I can. But, for now, it's apparently not enough.

Don't get me wrong; I do believe that God is sovereign and that even THIS can be used for a greater good.

I still have faith that there is SOME purpose in this fight -- this struggle that would make even Sisyphus weep. And I DO believe that God is still working on me.

So, *sigh* I will not lose hope and I will not give up.

But sometimes... every now and then... I wish I could just sleep through it all & awake when He's "done."
You know what I mean?


Aleica "Red" said...

Sister, I hear you. Loud and clear. I am dealing with the same thing. Not with my health, but with another mess I have created (at least you don't have yourself to blame). Now I am in a cleaning up period. But God has also seemed to have deemed this the "get some patience, girl" period. Can I just say that I hate patience and I really hate that it's a virtue. No, not really, but I hate that I lack it so bad. I want it to be over. But, it's not. Eventually... Don't worry. You're body will most definitely line up with the Word. Just keep your faith. You're an inspiration.

Lesley said...

Your posts are always so timely!

I understand how you feel Summer!! I was just recently diagnosed with high-blood pressure...ugghhhh! I too have been put on a pill for now. But, we need to stop and be thankful that there pills that we can take to help us until the time comes for God to heal us!

You are doing all you can do and God will handle the rest. HE WILL solve the problem, or at least what we PERCIEVE as a problem. It's sometimes to really take to heart that God works according to His own time clock, not ours. Frustrating? Yes, to say the least.

Your faith is so incredibly strong, but we are also all only human. So, when one of us feels weak, the rest of us are called to "lift that one up."

My hubby and I are CONVINCED beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Devil is in a very active period of attacks on God's people. Let's stand strong together against him ... our God is faithful!

"If God is for us ... who can be against us?!"

Thank you for having the courage to share your struggle with us ... it helps me to know that none of us are alone!

Luv ya,

RetiredWings said...

Hi Summer,
This is Judy, Alecia's mom, I hope you don't mind me reading your blog. I enjoy reading yours, as well as Alecia's and Pastor Dino's.
I just wanted to encourage you. My mother, who has gone home to be with Jesus, passed away in 2004. She had had five bouts with cancer, was diabetic, and took mounds of pills each day, but her faith never wavered. When she would have to go for kemo or radiation, she would say, "I will do this, but in the end it is God who heals me." He did just that with four of the five cancers. The strangest part about her cancer diagnosis is in the fact that none of the cancers were related. Each one was a different type. She was 84 when she went home to be with the Lord. She had just reached a point where she was tired and wanted to go home. Just trust in the Lord and He will do great and mighty things. If he chooses to use medicine to get your health back on track, so be it. I have a cousin who was on dialisis for years. About a month or so ago, she was told she no longer needed these treatments.

Summer said...

Hi Judy! I love that you read my blog! And I really appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much,
Summer =)