No, I'm not talking about the election... well, not entirely.
I think I have alluded to my various health issues in previous posts... the struggles with my weight and ALL the issues that entails.
I have type II diabetes, severe hypo-thyroidism, & Empty Sella Syndrome (the last of which is probably a large contributor to the other two).
It's so frustrating living in this body that I no longer fully understand. I wasn't always overweight; In high school, I actually did some modeling and pageant work. And I have always been a fitness nut -- exercising in my room with home-made weights as early as age 15. By the time I got married, I could easily do 200 sit-ups/crunches without breaking a sweat (well, not much of one anyway.)
But in recent years, my body has betrayed me... Despite years of focus on healthy eating and somewhat regular exercise, I continue to struggle. I probably know more about nutrition and exercise than 95% of my friends, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. Oh, I see the condescending looks of those who think I simply need to "eat less & move more," and it makes me so mad.
I'm not huge by any means, but I am not happy with the way I look OR the way I feel.
Today, I had my check-up with my metabolic specialist/endocrinologist; the results were not good. Despite treatment, my thyroid levels have dropped even more & my hormones & blood sugar are all over the place. He is putting me on 2 more medications.
I am NOT a person who likes to take medicine and for years I refused it when I probably needed it because I did not want to become "one of those people" who are always popping pills.
But, dang; what are you supposed to do when your body is a traitor???
Like Paul, I have prayed -- many times -- for this thorn in the flesh to be removed from me, but for whatever reason, that has not happened. I have dieted & exercised and checked my blood sugar religiously. I drink tons of water and I take a multi-vitamin every day. I have done various cleansing fasts and I incorporate homeopathic remedies whenever I can. But, for now, it's apparently not enough.
Don't get me wrong; I do believe that God is sovereign and that even THIS can be used for a greater good.
I still have faith that there is SOME purpose in this fight -- this struggle that would make even Sisyphus weep. And I DO believe that God is still working on me.
So, *sigh* I will not lose hope and I will not give up.
But sometimes... every now and then... I wish I could just sleep through it all & awake when He's "done."
You know what I mean?