A Life Worth Remembering

It's been a hard month.
In the past 30 days, 7 people in my world -- some close to me, some who were related to those close to me -- have died.
On Wednesday, I will attend my 3rd funeral in almost as many weeks... this time for a young man, just 22 years old, Jordan Gautreau.
I am just about cried out.
I wasn't super-close with Jordan, but we were in School of Ministry together a few years ago and he was a guy I really respected and admired. He used to tease me and call me "Mrs. Summer" to which I would threaten to punch him.
I nearly fell out of my chair when I realized he was born the year I graduated high school. He was an intelligent, thoughtful, and kind young man who had a servant's heart, and like the others who have passed in recent weeks, his death came as a total shock.

I can't help but feel there is a message in all of this. Without resorting to cliches or vapid prosaicism, I have to acknowledge that there are no guarantees in this world. We are not promised one day more or less than has been allotted for us and to know that number is humanly impossible. We have to live each day never knowing if we will see tomorrow. Only God sees the bigger picture.

We can think we have it all together, our life a neat and tidy box, perfectly aligned with best laid plans and the objectives we have set for ourselves, but at the end of our allotted time, will it even matter? I'm not opposed to dreams or ambitions, but in the big scheme of things, how will whatever we are doing affect the world around us?

The real question is, Are we living for ourselves or for something bigger than ourselves?
Will our legacy merely affect our grandchildren or thousands of souls we may never even chance to meet?
When we die, will people remember who we were or what we did?
Will those memories be buried with us or will they live on in the rippled effects of our life's work?

Three men from my church have died in the past month.
Each of them has left an enduring legacy... sacrificial lives submitted to God's greater purpose. I want to know -- when my time is up -- that I have done the same.

There's certainly no harm in living a productive, successful life, utilizing the talents you are given. But if your ambitions are all for self, what does it really matter? If your sole purpose on this planet is to seek "happiness" and "fulfillment," they will always elude you. REAL happiness and fulfillment are found only when you are living for something greater than yourself.
Dave Ohlerking, John DeLage, and Jordan Gautreau.
These three men lived lives worth remembering and as examples for us all.

When I was a kid, I thought giving my life over to God meant I would have to be a missionary in some remote corner of the world. Far longer than I care to admit, I was afraid to offer my life -- all my plans and dreams -- to God to use. I'm so glad I finally know better. Now I pray that God will use my life until the very last breath I take.
Fear of the unknown should never keep us from seeking God's greater purpose for our lives. As Brother Dave Ohlerking always said, "There's no safer place to be than in the will of God."
I believe that.
And I want my life to reflect that belief.

“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” -- C. S. Lewis

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Something Bigger Coming...

Yesterday, I met with two very dear friends who also happen to be writers.
We have made a commitment to one another to hold each other accountable, to pray for one another, and to support one another through this crazy process of writing and publishing our books.
I always come away from our meetings refreshed and enlightened and highly motivated to write.

One of these friends is going through a time of testing as changes she didn't anticipate begin to take place. As she sat sharing her concerns with us, I had a very clear glimpse of what God is doing in her life... It seemed fairly obvious to me that He is moving things around -- shifting her responsibilities and priorities -- because He is about to do something bigger.
Much bigger.

While she was fretting that the impending changes were ominous for her "vision," it suddenly became apparent (to me) that the opposite was true.
These changes would actually make it possible for her dream to become reality!

And then it hit me:
How often do I do the same thing... worry about something that isn't going like I planned only to later discover God's hand was in it all along?
Why is it so hard for us -- for ME -- to remember that God sees the bigger picture?
He knows what lies before us and He sees the path's end even while we are still very near its beginning.
Why can't we trust Him with the vision He has given us?

I am speaking more to myself here, than to my friend.
While encouraging her with these very words, I felt a nudge in my own spirit.

When God gives you a vision -- a task, a mission, a purpose -- your only concern should be obedience to that task.
But so often, we take the burden upon ourselves of making the dream a reality.
This was never part of His plan, yet we act as though "if I don't do it, nobody will."
We forget that God is in control and no matter what obstacles the enemy places in our path -- as long as we are faithful to what we have been given -- God will bring it all to completion.
It may not be in the time we allotted and it may not come about just as we envisioned, but if it is truly from God, He will make it happen.
When we come across detours or roadblocks, we shouldn't falter. Perseverance and unwavering trust should be our standard response.

I write this here as a reminder to myself the next time I start to worry and fret about writing my book proposal and sending those query letters... it's not my job to publish this book.
I have only been given the task of writing it.
It's up to God to do the rest.
(whew!)

Finding Your Voice

A friend of mine -- Shawn -- recently came to what is (I believe) a life-altering decision.
He decided to change his FOCUS.

Instead of making everything in his life orbit around his political passions, he has decided to walk out his faith in his daily life and let the chips fall where they may. Whether or not this walk will lead to a life in politics or another public forum remains to be seen; He is leaving that up to God. For now, he's focusing on what is really important: being Jesus to the lost, the poor, the homeless, and the "unloved."
I think that is admirable.

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for ambition and goals and changing the world... but sometimes I wonder if we are going about it all wrong? Do we Christians actually stop and think about what we are doing and why?

Are my actions and pursuits ultimately for GOD'S glory or my own?
Do my efforts and actions add to His kingdom or do they possibly detract by distracting me from what I really should be doing?

It's a common trap:
One gets caught up in a certain political view, or a theological argument, or a social justice cause and everything else falls by the wayside.
And we delude ourselves into thinking, "Well, God put this passion in my heart, so obviously, I should act upon it."
We seem to think if I don't do it, who will?

Sometimes, however, our greatest gifts can actually become DISTRACTIONS from what is truly important.
We can get so focused on an IDEA, and become totally oblivious to the hurting world around us.

When we get to eternity, which will be more important:
The number of articles we had published or the number of souls we led to Christ? Will priority be given to titles and degrees or will God ask us how many of His sheep we have fed?

I believe that we, as Christians, are given two objectives in this life:
1)Lead the lost to Christ
and
2) Care for the poor, the orphaned, the widowed, the "forgotten".

Again, I'm not saying that one can't live an ambitious life, seeking Truth and justice, but mercy should always trump justice. We should never be SO determined to prove our point or push our cause that we trample over souls in the process. We need to keep our focus on Christ and allow Him to lead us in the use of our gifts.

There was a time when I was determined to go to law school.
I was pre-law the latter half of my undergrad years and during graduate school. I was even an officer in our local chapter of the national law fraternity, Phi Alpha Delta, and I studied extensively for the LSAT.

My dream was to become a Civil Rights attorney and fight against injustice in the world. I hate racism and sexism and any kind of prejudice that goes against the nature of God.
I wanted to change the world.
I wanted my voice to be heard.

But something stopped me from going further with this dream... I could say it was my children, or my health, or even our move to another state, but none of that would be truly honest.
Deep down, inside, there was a check in my spirit that made me know this was not the path I was meant to take.
I would have to find my "voice" another way.

Fast forward several years and here I am today, even further from my former dream of becoming a lawyer. Do I have any regrets? Not at all.
I have a new dream. =)
The way I see it:
As a lawyer, I might have been able to right a few wrongs and heal a few wounds, but how much good could I really do? And who was I really trying to impress?

Changing one's focus does not mean denying or ignoring the gifts and talents God has entrusted to us.
I think my "voice" is heard each week when I sit and pray with a woman who is homeless and destitute.
I think God smiles when I hand a bag of groceries to a young mother struggling to make ends meet.
When I hand a rose to a stripper who thinks that no one really cares about her, I have achieved far more than I ever could in a courtroom. And I have the privilege of serving alongside other Kingdom-focused individuals who I respect so much!

It's true; I may have sacrificed my business "power" suit for a red SERVE shirt, but it's a trade I'm content to make.

Contented Exhaustion

I think I may have to cut my feet off at the ankles...
Seriously, at the moment, it doesn't seem like a bad idea as they are throbbing like mad.
It has been an exhausting, but exhilarating 24 hours.

Yesterday evening, I worked in the nursery at HPC (as per usual); I did sign-in and then worked the 2-year-old room. Pretty uneventful night. Tonight, however, was a completely different story! Tonight was the 15th anniversary celebration of Healing Place Church and all of our campuses came together for the event.
I was in the 2 & 3 year old room (combined) and we had a total of 37 kids.
THIRTY SEVEN TODDLERS!!!!
And they gave them cupcakes with blue icing!
'Nuff said.

But, back to last night...
I put my 3-year-old to bed at a decent hour (for a change) and crawled into bed, myself, before midnight, -- shocking, I know.
I had to be up by 6:45 this morning to go to my first LEADERSHIP Class with Mrs. Ann Morrow. I was so excited and nervous. I think it was around 11:30 when I finally got to sleep.
Raisha then proceeded to wake up (night terrors) every 20-30 minutes for the next 2 hours. I was about to go sleep on the couch! Then around 4:00 am, she started talking in her sleep and actually woke herself up laughing! Of course, she was wide awake by then and refused to go back to sleep. She wanted to get up and play. I made her stay in bed, but neither of us got back to sleep until well after 5. Next thing I knew, my alarm was going off.

Sometimes, the devil is so transparent.

I made it to Leadership Class and it was awesome. I learned so much and just really felt like I was in the right place at the right time. Obviously, this explains the ridiculous amount of sleep I got the night before.
You see, I am NOT a person who can go without sleep and I am definitely NOT a morning person. I don't even understand annoying morning people. And there was definitely a time in my life -- not so long ago -- that getting 2 good hours of sleep would have been MORE than enough reason to stay in bed on a cold, cloudy morning.

But something happens to you when you allow God to speak into your life...
Not to sound hokey, but you get a whole new sense of purpose that you've never had before. You actually care about what comes next and you are excited by the possibility in every opportunity.
It's really quite difficult to explain, but I told someone recently,
I feel like I "just woke up" into my faith.
Does that make sense?
I have been a Christian for many years, but I haven't always walked it out and I certainly haven't felt that I was living with PURPOSE until the past year or so. I was kind of just drifting along like a lot of Christians do...

Sara Groves has another song I like called, "Just Showed Up For My Own Life," and I think I know just what she means:

Just Showed Up -- Sara Groves

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take
by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface
repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the Holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel, all that's honest and real, until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear, until it's finally clear, and it changes our lives

A Method to My Madness...

Ok, without getting all "preachy" or weird on you, I have to say, there is a *reason* why I am doing Elevate. This was not a whim or a passing fancy. I wasn't bored or looking for MORE things to fill up my time (God knows my calendar is already over-filled!). Some of you won't understand what I say here; it will be as though I am speaking a foreign language... you'll think, "She's lost it. The stress finally got to her; she's gone off the deep end." =) I assure you I am in full control of my sensibilities... (I think)

About a year ago, God showed me a vision He had for my life. I am very excited about this vision and fully believe it will come to be. That may sound crazy to some of you -- especially if you are not a Christian. I had a dream about something very real to me and I felt commissioned to do something about it. No, I didn't "hear" God's voice in the literal sense of the word, but I had this dream that I could not shake and then the strangest thing happened... Over a period of about 3 months, I had this vision reinforced or re-revealed to me in various ways that, even now, amaze me.
So, Ok, I thought; I'm supposed to do this thing. Now what?
I knew that I had a LOT of work to do before I could complete the task. I will be the first to acknowledge that I am not perfect. I know some of you will be amazed to learn this about me, but trust me, it's true.

I have issues with trust and anger and I struggle with my weight and self-esteem... and well, you get the picture. I want so much to help others, but as they say, you can't help anyone until you help yourself.
Anyway, I have been volunteering down at the Baton Rouge Dream Center for about 8 months now and it occurred to me as I was praying with these precious ladies that I needed healing as much as they do. Some of these women have been through hades and back... there are stories of drug and alcohol addiction, homelessness, abuse, prostitution, abandonment, hatred, and neglect... some of their stories will break your heart.
But how could I minister to them when I had not dealt with MY OWN baggage?
Obviously I couldn't, so I began praying for my own healing and peace about things that had happened in my life. That's when I felt God nudging me toward Elevate and I just knew that I was meant to do this. I'm not doing it with any motive other than to seek God's will for my life and to grow spiritually. I have no pre-conceived notions of what lies beyond Elevate and I have no pretense of being anything more than what God wants me to be.
But I figure: you get ONE LIFE.
It's up to us how we spend it and at the end of my life, I want no regrets.
I want to live my life with VISION and with PURPOSE and not feel that my days were wasted or that I am leaving no legacy behind...

So, I ask you to consider this:
What will be YOUR legacy?