Big News & Even Bigger AWE

I have been struggling with a difficult decision for some time now... At first, I thought I could just grit my teeth and push through this chaotic time in my life, but something made me stop, cold, in my tracks.

I'm no longer focused on Elevate (Healing Place School of Ministry), and I don't think I'm supposed to be.
Last year was crazy busy, too. In some ways, I was actually BUSIER last year than I am this year.
And yes, the workload this year is MUCH more intense (no lie), but that's not it, either.
I have always been able to "push through" no matter how grueling things become
(Hey, I survived boot camp!).
Quite honestly, my heart just hasn't been in it. I love being an intern, but I can't seem to get focused this year.
Then my friend & advisor said something to me recently that makes perfect sense
(thank you, Tiffany!):
"It may be that God's favor is not upon you in this area, in this season."

Well said... and absolutely right.

I know, without a doubt, what I AM supposed to be doing in this season:

*Taking care of my family
*Leading my life group
*& FINISHING MY BOOK

I never cease to be amazed at how God gently guides us in the path He wants us to follow.
Oh, we can balk and try to stay where WE want to go or where WE think we should be, but if it's not HIS will, we are just wasting time.

So, this morning, I "resigned" from Elevate.
Or, rather, put my ministry training/studies on hold.
I hope to someday return to Elevate to complete the degree I would like to obtain, but even more, I can't wait to see what God has for me next.
Whatever it is, I know it's going to be AWESOME!

Say That Again...?

You know, it's been great getting all the compliments and comments about my recent weight loss (63 pounds to date). I love telling them,
"It's not me; I tried to do it for most of my adult life & couldn't. It's all HIM (God)."

But then comes the inevitable follow-up... "So, what exactly are you doing to lose it?"

Um, weren't you paying attention?
It's not me.
I've done every diet, read (almost) every book, tried (nearly) every gimmick.

But when I tell them what I honestly believe, I usually get a blank stare in return.

"You mean, that's it??"

Sure, it may SOUND simple: Turning over a life-long struggle to God and allowing Him to heal me from the inside, out.
But what most people don't seem to understand is that it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

The actual step of RELEASING that control? It's not so easy despite its deceptively simple veneer.
Yes, there's more to it than that (which is why I'm writing a book), but that step -- that enormous leap of faith -- is the cornerstone for the entire process.
Obedience to Christ, relinquishing control, absolute submission to His way instead of my own, "logical" way.

It doesn't make sense.
I have done NOTHING in the past 8 months to justify (on a logical level) the loss of 63 pounds. And yes, I am perfectly healthy... just got checked out, actually.
Everything is great! Great cholesterol & triglycerides, excellent blood pressure, even my blood sugar is steady & low (Hb A1c = 5.6). Indeed, I've never felt better in my life!

I guess I'll just have to get used to the dumbfounded stares & incessant skepticism.
Take note:
When we allow God to use our pain for His glory and good, we always come out on top!
And some of us get to wear a smaller dress size, too. =)

Sometimes The Answer Is "No"

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." -- Romans 8:28 NIV

This is such a difficult post to write...
It seems like the subject of God's sovereignty and what we believe about healing have been a frequent topic around here, lately.

Last night, Amy Stockstill -- the young bride of
Pastor Joel Stockstill (Bethany World Prayer Center) -- went on to be with the Lord after a difficult battle with cancer and subsequent pneumonia.
Thousands of people have been praying for her daily -- even more so over the past week. Last Monday, this was the scene in front of Baton Rouge General Hospital:
The picture doesn't show it, but there are over 1500 young people standing in front of the hospital praying for this young woman's healing...
And last night she died.

Is my faith shaken?
NO.
And I pray to God that not one of theirs is, either.

Do I believe that God still heals today?
Absolutely.
Do I believe He always will?
No.
We may never know the reason(s) for the way God answers our prayers, but God is sovereign.
His will and His judgment go beyond the limits of our human logic and "rational" reasoning.

I could speculate here WHY Amy wasn't healed... what went wrong, what this could signify, how this is the "ultimate healing,"...
but it really makes no difference what I think.
I know that God in His infinite wisdom can see beyond the here and now -- beyond the selfish desires of our hearts -- and act in the greater interest of His will.

God is not a puppet.
Prayer DOES work -- but only within the confines of HIS greater purpose.
We cannot use our faith to dictate how God should act. Ultimately, He has the final say and while it might never make sense to US, we should respect our God -- as GOD -- and His decisions as wisdom beyond our grasp.
That's why the answer is sometimes "No."

God's still here.
He still loves you and He still cares.

"And I keep wanting You to be fair...
But that's not what You said.
I want certain answers to these prayers;
But that's not what You said."
-- Sara Groves What I Thought I Wanted

ARRANGEMENTS FOR AMY STOCKSTILL