Funny You Should Ask...

I'm always amused when someone who hasn't seen me in awhile says, "Wow! Eighty-six pounds!! You've got to tell me your secret! How did you do it?"

I never quite know how to answer that.

How do you sum up -- in conversational-length banter -- how God has completely rocked your world?
How do you convey that you haven't just lost 86 pounds and 5 dress sizes, you have lost a HUGE part of your old self (which you aren't missing in the least, by the way).

I'm starting to get the whole "Prophet without honor" thing Jesus talked about. People who have known you for awhile are always skeptical when you change. I recently had a guy who has known me for awhile tell me that he can't figure out who the "real" me really is.

Deep down, I guess none of us believe we are capable of truly changing.
But that's the cool thing.
I didn't do the changing.
HE changed me.

Granted, I had to submit and ask for it... I had to be open to the new ideas and perspectives He was showing me, but it certainly didn't come from my own ability to change, because that just doesn't exist.

I am feeling more and more compelled to get my book finished NOW... and I have made some incredible strides in the past 2 weeks.
I just sense, every time someone asks, that my book will do a much better job explaining it than I ever could.

So, if you could just hold that thought...
I promise, I'll get back to you.

A New Chapter...

I am finally back from Arkansas & I'm happy to report that my little niece's surgery was a success & she is doing great!
I'm sorry I haven't blogged, but it's so hard for me to sit down and focus when I am not at home on my own computer.
I guess I'm just neurotic that way. =/

In the past week since I have seriously blogged, our nation has made history with the inauguration of our newest president, one of my closest friends is (right now!) on her way to the continent of Africa to get her newly-adopted son, and I have lost another pound and a half.

Yeah, ok.
I know a pound and a half is not earth-shattering, by any means, but when you consider the fact that I have now lost a total of 76.5 pounds since last (late) February -- and I have lost, steadily, without gaining back any at all! -- it's pretty impressive.
I continue to be humbled and amazed by God's faithfulness in this endeavor!

There are moments when I falter and think He will take it all away because I have been so UNfaithful at times.
But He keeps reminding me that none of us *deserve* ANYTHING good He gives us.
Lord help us if we ever all got what we *deserve!*

Tomorrow night begins my SECOND life group for Inside Out (my Christian weight-loss support group). I can hardly believe how far this simple idea (thank you Melissa Fluhr!) has come.
The response to this group has been simply amazing.
I just have to keep reminding myself that each woman who attends is on their OWN journey, and they alone are in control of the pace they set.

I realize that some people have become irritated with me because I am not giving them a DIET to follow or a set of rules or "secret tips" to get them to their goal.
But what I -- and this group -- are really seeking is
TRUE FREEDOM.
We are not looking for a quick fix.
We are broken & we want to be healed.
We want to never again use food for comfort, to abate loneliness or frustration.
We never again want to eat until we are so full
we feel sick.
We want to LOOK at food, differently -- as something that feeds our bodies, not something to fill our souls.

I've said it before; you may not have a weight problem or a struggle with food addiction, but
YOU STRUGGLE WITH SOMETHING
(whether you publicly admit it or not).

You may feel smug and confident when someone obese walks into a room,
but what if your own demons were posted on your chest for all to see?
What if the things YOU struggle with were revealed the moment someone looked at you?

It's true that obesity is the most "unfair" of addictions; after all, one can be an alcoholic or drug addict or pornography addict and the world may never know...
When someone who struggles with food walks into a room, EVERYONE knows without a word being said.
However, while our problem is more publicly "visible,"
so too, is our healing.
God's glory is that much greater when someone who has struggled with food addiction finally overcomes his/her battle and finds TRUE FREEDOM.
That's what I have found.

And that's the next chapter in my book. =)

71

For more than two weeks, I have been waiting to see the "70" pound mark on the scale.
I have been more careful with my eating and I have tried to not eat late at night.
But then God reminded me that HE is doing this, not me. And every time I try to retake control of my weight struggle, I will fail. So, I repented & gave it back to Him & just tried to be obedient in the things I know He wants me to do...

And you know what?
ON THANKSGIVING WEEKEND(!!!!) I stepped on the scale and saw that God had completely skipped over "MY" goal.
I have lost SEVENTY ONE pounds since February!
That is almost surreal for me... I have NEVER even come close to losing that much before -- no matter how strict or disciplined I tried to be!

Don't misunderstand me:
I am NOT suggesting that we should not strive to have self-control.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and evidence of a faith-filled life.
But what I (and many like me) struggle with is not "self-control" (despite what the world assumes about us),but rather we lack Spirit control.

In the past, instead of using discipline to make me healthier, I have made it a religion of sorts.
I have made dieting and eating and food and exercise -- my "gods."
I have idolized the perfect number on the scale, the ideal body shape, society's idea of what "beautiful" should look like.
And none of that worked.
No matter how hard I tried, how disciplined I was, or how many diets I attempted: I never achieved success.

That is, until I quit trying to do it all myself.

What a lesson I have learned!
The same grace that is extended to us for our salvation, God offers us for EVERY failure in our life! For every weakness, for every trial, for every temptation: He is there to lift us up & guide us out of the mess in which we keep finding ourselves. What an amazing picture of His never-failing mercy and grace!

All that is truly required of me is obedience and faith.
And I see it so clearly now in 2 little numbers...

What are YOU believing God for?

Say That Again...?

You know, it's been great getting all the compliments and comments about my recent weight loss (63 pounds to date). I love telling them,
"It's not me; I tried to do it for most of my adult life & couldn't. It's all HIM (God)."

But then comes the inevitable follow-up... "So, what exactly are you doing to lose it?"

Um, weren't you paying attention?
It's not me.
I've done every diet, read (almost) every book, tried (nearly) every gimmick.

But when I tell them what I honestly believe, I usually get a blank stare in return.

"You mean, that's it??"

Sure, it may SOUND simple: Turning over a life-long struggle to God and allowing Him to heal me from the inside, out.
But what most people don't seem to understand is that it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

The actual step of RELEASING that control? It's not so easy despite its deceptively simple veneer.
Yes, there's more to it than that (which is why I'm writing a book), but that step -- that enormous leap of faith -- is the cornerstone for the entire process.
Obedience to Christ, relinquishing control, absolute submission to His way instead of my own, "logical" way.

It doesn't make sense.
I have done NOTHING in the past 8 months to justify (on a logical level) the loss of 63 pounds. And yes, I am perfectly healthy... just got checked out, actually.
Everything is great! Great cholesterol & triglycerides, excellent blood pressure, even my blood sugar is steady & low (Hb A1c = 5.6). Indeed, I've never felt better in my life!

I guess I'll just have to get used to the dumbfounded stares & incessant skepticism.
Take note:
When we allow God to use our pain for His glory and good, we always come out on top!
And some of us get to wear a smaller dress size, too. =)

It's Saturday?? Wake Me Up on Monday

This week has been a BLUR.
Seriously.
I don't think I've sat down to relax more than 20 minutes in the past 5 days.

I've already told you about the miracle of Monday night (the jean capris fit!), but what you don't know is that the miracles continue...
On Thursday morning -- the morning of the day when I would start my life group -- I stepped on the scale for the first time in over a month.
I thought I was a tad over 50 pounds lost -- maybe 51 or 52... but I never dreamed of the number I would see!
I stepped on the scale and quickly stepped back off.
I checked to make sure nothing was interfering with the scale's springs or balances; I calibrated the scale and stepped on again.
Nope.
It was right the first time.
I have lost 60 pounds since February!!!

Sixty pounds -- on the nose -- since I first began this obedient mission.
Sixty pounds of undeserved grace from an incredibly loving God.

But that's not all.
My life group began Thursday night and I had 17 women show up to hear the message I had for them! Indeed, 4 others were supposed to attend, too, but had something keep them from coming at the last minute.
What a great start to this endeavor!

This morning, I co-hosted a rather large baby shower for a dear friend of mine who is due in the next couple of weeks.
We are believing God for a miracle for her baby. Please be praying for her (Kristi) -- that the birth of this baby would prove the doctors wrong & that this baby would be a living testimony for God's goodness and mercy.

It's been an exhausting week, but I am SO happy and content.
I think I'll take a nap now... maybe until Monday.
=)

Amazing, Undeserved Grace

"Lord, I don't deserve this."
His reply: Nobody does.

Those are the thoughts that have filled my head this week -- this unbelievably glorious week of GRACE.

Ok, so Monday night was the return of
Healing Place Women for the fall semester.
Thanks to Hurricanes Gustav and Ike, it was delayed for several weeks.
On Monday, they interviewed 10 of us onstage about our life groups that are starting THIS WEEK.
If you have been keeping up with my blog, you already know about mine.

Well, for several days the enemy was messing with me, saying: "You still have so far to go; what makes you think you can teach those ladies anything?"
It's true; I AM still on this journey.

Sure, I have lost (at least) 50 pounds since February, but I still have a ways to go til I get to my goal. And yes, I have had successful weight loss attempts before, but this time is different.

This time, I'm under God's authority and power -- not my own, limited, human power -- and I just KNOW that I will succeed.
That doesn't mean that I don't have my moments of doubt!
Goodness knows that when you have battled a weight issue for more than 25 years, it does some SERIOUS work on you, psychologically.
But God knows all that and He understands and He keeps picking me up and cheering me on.

Monday afternoon, I was kind of stressing; what will I wear tonight onstage???
I had bought these REALLY cute black denim pants and top the week before but they were really tight when I bought them. I put them away and vowed to wear them to our Women's Conference in October.
Well, Monday afternoon -- after a full day of discouraging thoughts -- I saw those jean capris sitting in my closet and a little voice (no, not literally -- don't send for Haldol just yet!), a little voice said, "Try them on."

Now, LOGICALLY, I knew -- KNEW -- they could not possibly fit me already. It had only been 5 days since I purchased them!
But I did it anyway.
They fit.
And they fit WELL!
And this is a size I have not worn in NINE YEARS.
Yeah, baby!

That was totally a gift from God -- completely undeserved.
But then again, EVERY gift we receive is undeserved and His grace is all we need.

HP Women & My Life Group

Are you ready, Girls???

NEXT Monday
-- September 22nd --
Healing Place Women starts back up for Fall!
And guess what?
They are going to do a panel, interviewing all of the Life Group leaders so that we can tell a little about our groups & invite women to sign up!

In case you missed it, I will be starting a life group on Sept. 25th:

From The INSIDE OUT:
God's Healing From Obesity and Food Addiction
("Inside Out" for short)

Basically, it's a Christian weight-loss support group, but it's not just that.
I believe it is a revelation from God that I can't wait to share with other women who have struggled as I have.
This is NOT another diet or weight loss trick or gimmick.
This is YOUR ticket to freedom!

This group is for any woman who has struggled for a significant length of time trying to lose a significant amount of weight
OR who has struggled with some form of
eating disorder.
This is not for someone who merely gained an extra 15 pounds on vacation
or who just needs to "trim up" before the holidays.
;>)

I'm calling all women who have felt the pain of this struggle, who have been
at wits' end with frustration,
and who are desperately seeking a permanent answer from God.

I hope you will join us next Monday night
and cheer me on.
Seriously, I need your prayers right now.

I'm Sorry

God has really convicted me about something...

I went to my first "Healing Place Church Life Groups" meeting today and I just sat there marveling at how far I have come in the past year. Here I am about to lead a life group for Christian weight-loss support and I have not even posted, once, about all God has done for me in this area!

First let me say: I have tried (almost) every diet out there -- Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Low-Fat, Low-Carb, you name it.

A few months after I started writing my book, I felt a still, small voice ask me,
"Are you just going to preach it or are you going to WALK IT OUT?"
So, in mid-February, I decided to put the tenets of my book into practice in my own life.

I have not been perfect; there have been moments when I stumbled and definitely times when I was less than faithful, but for the most part I have tried to be obedient to the message I was given when I first began thinking about writing.

The result?
As of a few days ago, I am down 48 pounds since February.
FORTY-EIGHT POUNDS!!!!

Uh, that's more than my 4-year-old weighs.
I've lost a small person!
And I can honestly say, that I am not following a diet.
Don't get me wrong; I know which foods are healthier choices for me and I know my "trigger foods," but for the most part, I am just being faithful in this walk.
And God has been MORE than faithful to me in return!

I have struggled with my weight off and on for more than 25 years (I'm 38) and this is the first time in my life that I actually believe I will succeed.
I don't just believe it; I KNOW it.

So, I'm sorry for not posting about this sooner and giving glory where glory is due. God has been so good to me and only He can take something that has been such a "curse" for me and turn it into an amazing BLESSING!

Wake Me When It's Over...

No, I'm not talking about the election... well, not entirely.

I think I have alluded to my various health issues in previous posts... the struggles with my weight and ALL the issues that entails.
I have type II diabetes, severe hypo-thyroidism, & Empty Sella Syndrome (the last of which is probably a large contributor to the other two).

It's so frustrating living in this body that I no longer fully understand. I wasn't always overweight; In high school, I actually did some modeling and pageant work. And I have always been a fitness nut -- exercising in my room with home-made weights as early as age 15. By the time I got married, I could easily do 200 sit-ups/crunches without breaking a sweat (well, not much of one anyway.)

But in recent years, my body has betrayed me... Despite years of focus on healthy eating and somewhat regular exercise, I continue to struggle. I probably know more about nutrition and exercise than 95% of my friends, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. Oh, I see the condescending looks of those who think I simply need to "eat less & move more," and it makes me so mad.
I'm not huge by any means, but I am not happy with the way I look OR the way I feel.

Today, I had my check-up with my metabolic specialist/endocrinologist; the results were not good. Despite treatment, my thyroid levels have dropped even more & my hormones & blood sugar are all over the place. He is putting me on 2 more medications.
Arrrghhhhh!
I am NOT a person who likes to take medicine and for years I refused it when I probably needed it because I did not want to become "one of those people" who are always popping pills.
But, dang; what are you supposed to do when your body is a traitor???

Like Paul, I have prayed -- many times -- for this thorn in the flesh to be removed from me, but for whatever reason, that has not happened. I have dieted & exercised and checked my blood sugar religiously. I drink tons of water and I take a multi-vitamin every day. I have done various cleansing fasts and I incorporate homeopathic remedies whenever I can. But, for now, it's apparently not enough.

Don't get me wrong; I do believe that God is sovereign and that even THIS can be used for a greater good.
I still have faith that there is SOME purpose in this fight -- this struggle that would make even Sisyphus weep. And I DO believe that God is still working on me.

So, *sigh* I will not lose hope and I will not give up.

But sometimes... every now and then... I wish I could just sleep through it all & awake when He's "done."
You know what I mean?