Where do I begin?
How do you blog about everyday life when you feel like you are bleeding on the inside?
When someone has hurt you -- cut you so deep -- and they don't even care?
These are my thoughts over the past week.
Someone who I love and care about has hurt me... not only me, but my husband and my children as well. And the irony is, they think they are "justified" in doing it.
They are so wound up in their own hatred, and resentment, and bitterness that they cannot see the miracles before their very eyes. They focus only on the negative.
They are choosing misery and that makes me very sad.
The "old me" would have lashed out at them, read them the riot act, told them exactly where they could get off...
The old me was full of so much anger and offense, myself, I would have readily engaged in this twisted dance of drama and attention-seeking behavior.
It truly is a cyclical sickness... offense feeding off of offense, producing more offense.
But that's no longer "me."
I find it most remarkable that in our most stretching moments, God truly does show up and reveal to us the changes He has made -- the changes we have allowed Him to make -- in our lives.
I have been so blessed in my life.
My marriage, while not perfect (what marriage is??), is rock-solid. We are so much closer now than we were when we first said, "I do" almost 19 years ago.
My children are healthy and happy, beautiful and so smart, I am constantly amazed by them!
I have been given this vision for my life and I am working so hard to make it a reality and God has been faithful to me every step of the way.
Faithfulness I don't even deserve.
So, yes, I'm crying on the inside.
And daily, I cry out for God to take this situation and use it for His purpose.
I'm no fool.
I know that the enemy loves to use distractions such as this to keep us from seeing the blessings right before our eyes, and more importantly, to keep us from doing the things we ought.
And I also know that to give in to that distraction is to become full of anger and resentment and bitterness, myself.
This is something I refuse to do.
All I can do now is continue to pray for those who hate me and pray that, even in this, God has something amazing for me.
Please pray for me.