24 July 2008

We Cry Out

Where do I begin?

How do you blog about everyday life when you feel like you are bleeding on the inside?
When someone has hurt you -- cut you so deep -- and they don't even care?

These are my thoughts over the past week.

Someone who I love and care about has hurt me... not only me, but my husband and my children as well. And the irony is, they think they are "justified" in doing it.

They are so wound up in their own hatred, and resentment, and bitterness that they cannot see the miracles before their very eyes. They focus only on the negative.
They are choosing misery and that makes me very sad.

The "old me" would have lashed out at them, read them the riot act, told them exactly where they could get off...
The old me was full of so much anger and offense, myself, I would have readily engaged in this twisted dance of drama and attention-seeking behavior.

It truly is a cyclical sickness... offense feeding off of offense, producing more offense.

But that's no longer "me."

I find it most remarkable that in our most stretching moments, God truly does show up and reveal to us the changes He has made -- the changes we have allowed Him to make -- in our lives.
I have been so blessed in my life.
My marriage, while not perfect (what marriage is??), is rock-solid. We are so much closer now than we were when we first said, "I do" almost 19 years ago.
My children are healthy and happy, beautiful and so smart, I am constantly amazed by them!
I have been given this vision for my life and I am working so hard to make it a reality and God has been faithful to me every step of the way.
Faithfulness I don't even deserve.

So, yes, I'm crying on the inside.
And daily, I cry out for God to take this situation and use it for His purpose.

I'm no fool.
I know that the enemy loves to use distractions such as this to keep us from seeing the blessings right before our eyes, and more importantly, to keep us from doing the things we ought.
And I also know that to give in to that distraction is to become full of anger and resentment and bitterness, myself.
This is something I refuse to do.

All I can do now is continue to pray for those who hate me and pray that, even in this, God has something amazing for me.
Please pray for me.


Anonymous said...

Summer you are in my prayers. I had a similiar experience many years ago when a good friend rejected me and lashed out at me for a reason that made no sense at all to me then and still does not. But, like you I still pray that this person found peace somehow in their lives.

Lesley said...

Of all the things our Father commands of us, sometimes forgiveness is the most challenging. We are human, and when we are hurt... a lot of times our first "human" reaction (thanks to the devil) is to lash out at the person who has hurt us. I am thankful that God has been at work in you and that you recognize what is going on.

Sometimes I hear "Forgive them Father, for they not know what they do..."(Luke 23:34) ringing in my head over and over. It's a beautiful reminder from our Father that forgiveness is not an option, it is a necessity. Easy? Not always. But, it is what He has commanded of us.

You are a wonderful, strong, woman of God and I will pray for you to continue to handle this heartache in the way that He wants... a way that reflects His love for us, all for His glory. He loves you! I also pray that you and your family will find peace on the other side of the hurt.

And, I will also pray for the person who has caused you and your precious family such obvious pain. I pray that this person will somehow find their way out of the dark place that they are in.

Hang in the Summer, God is at work in your heart and in your life :-)


The Maggio Family said...

truly, you know this comes from the enemy. good for you to recognize it!

Seeker of the Truth said...

I've been thinking about you and praying for you since I've known about this. I pray that God's will be done... no matter what that may be (sometimes God's will is not what we imagine or want it to be, but it's the best thing nonetheless).

If there's one thing I know about you it's that you're strong. Not because of who you are, but because of who He is.


Summer, I've started reading your blog. One of those links from a link on a friends blog. I'm not sure if this is that 6 degrees of seperation thing but I just wanted to say first, how much I enjoy your blog, secondly, to encourage you to stay strong. I know this has been a few weeks since you posted this and I pray the pain and hurt has become less. Just remember that one of the meanest, nastiest, hurtful people was the Apostle Paul. God humbled him on the road to Damascus. Imagine being Ananias and God commanding you to restore Saul (Paul)Vision? Someone who is known to hate and kill Jews? I'm sure he was like, Say Wha? Just continue to pray for this person and sometimes God will take the situation, humble that person, and make them one of the most effective people for Christ. The old saying goes, hurting people hurt people. Release this person from your concerns and turn it over to God. It's in these times God will reveal his Almighty Power! Keep Pressing on sista!