I have been making myself SICK.
For 3 days, my stomach has been rolling and I have just felt awful.
You see, I recently came to a very important decision. It's something I had been considering for some time, but this time I decided to be obedient. Trouble is, I was afraid that my obedience would make several good friends angry with me. I didn't want them to think I was deserting them or abandoning the ministry we shared.
Most of all, I didn't want to let anyone down.
I'm a pretty typical first-born.
I try to be responsible and I would rather do something myself and make sure it's done right, than risk something being done half-way. "No," is a difficult word for me to say. When someone asks something of me, I sincerely make the effort to do it. Trouble is, when you have trouble saying, "no," you end up saying "yes" to too many things and it's difficult to give anything 100%.
So, even though I clearly felt God was nudging me in a different direction, I just wasn't feelin' it on a common-sense level.
I mean, I would be leaving a ministry that I have been involved with for 2.5 years!
At first, I tried to rationalize that it wasn't at all LOGICAL for me to quit. After all, this ministry is struggling right now and my leaving would definitely be untimely. Yeah, I definitely wasn't feelin' the need to cause so much negativity, so... I "compromised" and cut back my hours while taking on more responsibility.
How many know, YOU CAN'T GIVE GOD A COMPROMISE???
You will become miserable.
And I did.
Finally, I went to talk to a woman who I respect very much and I laid out the problem to her.
This is what she said:
"So, you think God can't handle this situation unless you are there? You don't think He has it under control?"
"So, you are more worried about what people think than about what God thinks? You would rather be disobedient to Him, than to let them down??"
Ok, that totally convicted me.
Furthermore, a couple of weeks ago in Elevate, one of our instructors said the following:
"If God has put a call on your life, and you do not obediently become the 'who' of the call -- and answer the call in a timely manner -- He will find someone else to fill it."That definitely got my attention!
There is no question for me; I KNOW I have a call on my life and I know that my "busy-ness" has not allowed me to be faithful to that call. I also know that this is why God is nudging me away from a ministry that I love.
Basically, I have a choice.
I can be stubborn and keep a "good reputation" by sticking with something I think I need to... OR I can trust God and see what He has in store for me.
If I've learned anything over the past 3 years it's this:
When you are obedient to God and trust Him for the future, you will NEVER -- and I mean, NEVER -- be disappointed.
This should be interesting.